Putting it All Together

2008, in a lot of ways, was the year that things started to come together. Most of my central defining components of my identity and the way I see the world didn't exist before 2008, as shocking as it is to appreciate the magnitude of such a drastic overhaul. I became a coach, as opposed to a "mere" instructor. I became a physician-trainee, as opposed to an overly ambitious pre-med. I inhabited the belief that I can definitively "structure (my own) experience" (to borrow from one of my go-to meta-coaching phrases) to create a truly compelling, meaningful existence.

In 2008, I declared many seemingly crazy things:
1) I would quit my stable, salaried, well-connected job with steady hours, steady benefits, and steady security. I would become a full-time fitness professional, and scramble to bill out enough hours between coaching and my contract research gig (and some random pizza marketing -- only in New York!) to be able to eat out 4x a day, pay (most of) my bills, and travel like mad.
2) I would end my relationship with the man with whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life.
3) I would entirely swear off all things that did not either a) make me happy, or b) in some way contribute to my life.

All three of these variables came together to prompt the ultimate reinvention. Each, in its own way, served to instill a belief that I could, and would, declare that the world is x way "because I said so" -- and to take it a step further and "make it so." That is absolutely how I see the world -- and, psychotic or not, find it exceptionally adaptive.

Still, 2008 wasn't perfect. Something was missing in My New Life -- and I was able to recognize it because it was something that I actually HAD in My Old Life. Building coaching relationships -- being "that" resource for someone, playing a central role in empowering a human being to take control of his or her life through a reinvention of life outlook and self-talk -- are some of the most valuable experiences I've had to date. And I didn't feel like a coach here; I regressed to being a Spinning instructor. The distinction meant something to me, and it meant a void -- a void that discouraged my creativity and my passion. I've been moved to take certain initiatives, both in my "coaching" world and in my medical world, and NOT followed through -- because of a certain dampened belief that my world would be the way I said it should be, to some degree.

So when I kicked off 2009, I owned up to that -- and vowed to nip it in the bud. 2009 would be the year that the world was absolutely the way I said it was, because of my supreme ability to control my attitude and the "lens" through which to view every experience and opportunity. In coaching myself over the hurdle into the new year, I effectively became a coach again. I see the difference in the way I teach now, in the conversations I'm now having -- just like the ones I've had all day long in New York.

Today, as a whole, was magical. A lot of things came together.

I got some faculty support today for a research effort I want to initiate -- which magically melds my Old World (and its characters), with my New World (and its characters). Looking at the relationship between heart rate monitor use and global self-efficacy. More soon.

I diagnosed my first patient today, based on a detail I held really important, that probably isn't THAT important. For the first time, we had a standardized patient with a vague complaint ("I'm tired.") -- and we have to figure out what it is via questions, examinations, and labs. HUGELY open-ended. I was surprised at how much I was able to assimilate stuff I learned in the past 6 months. It was tremendously empowering, not as scary as I anticipated. I learned last week about some food/drug combinations that inhibit the absorption of iron from food - including dairy and tannins in tea. I feel very strongly about this fact, as I appreciate how very few people "out there in the world" appreciate this fact. Even when I was iron-deficient anemic, my own doctor never told me this stuff. Anyway, my standardized patient was pale and tired. I asked a bunch of questions, but ultimately got focused on the area of diet and particularly what he was eating with WHAT. I asked seemingly weird follow-up questions, and learned that he was drinking a lot of milk... with his meals. HUGE. Some of the lab data didn't make complete sense. My training partner thought I was making too big a deal over this., but I wouldn't let it go.

I was right. Iron-deficiency anemia secondary to poor oral absorption. What a rush to solve a puzzle... and through a personally gratifying pet detail.

I coached a pretty amazing ride tonight. I'm going to write about it on Spintastic tomorrow, so not going to elaborate for now.

I had a challenging drive to a meeting this AM for my charity cycling event. I felt like a real driver, in control of getting from A to B... instead of just hoping for the best.

It was a real day of things coming together. And it felt fantastic.